sign

how come when i get to this page, i stop having anything i want to wrtie? I did thought of many things during my swim...what happened? Just too lazy?
This week, I am asking God to show me a sign. a sign showing me that he does care for me. Most of the time, i don't know if anyone really care if I exist or not. I am on my own for 90% of the time. If I am to choke and die in my apartment, I don't think people will start looking until a week later..pretty sad i must say. Probably my cats would start eating me since they would get really really hungry. Sometimes it is just better to be an animal, just go w/ whatever nature provide, can't complain. NO freedom to choose nor understand.
At worship today, saw this baby in front of me, he was really cute! Now I understand why Helen never hold a baby, just too emotional! You know when you get strongest desire to have something and you knew that the possiblities is getting smaller and smaller..it just kills you! Ha, i don't think i want to hold a baby either...probably I would have an emotional breakdown too!
back to sign..yes , i want to know that He still cares and that I will get to have my own family...is that too much to ask for? I am not testing you, i just need reassurance.
ANother thing, I am quitting my addiction..you know what that is...need to stop, so pointless!
alright, let's see how things turn out